The art of conversation may be coming to an end. With smart phones that allow us to text or email from anyplace and anytime, we spend less time actually talking to people. We spend even less time having conversations which have deep meaning for both parties. So, how do you have a meaningful conversation?
First thing is that if you want to have a meaningful conversation, make sure to do it in person. It is not that telephones are cold or impersonal, but rather it’s the fact that so much of our conversation is nonverbal. They can hear your words and maybe catch that tone in your voice, but they are missing out if they can’t see your eyes and expressions, and you will miss out if you can’t see theirs.
Secondly, avoid distractions. It’s hard to have a meaningful conversation with a two-year old trying to get Mommy’s attention. Crowded buses, malls, any public arena with lots of noise, these are places where your chance of a meaningful conversation is almost nil. So, find the right place. Plan the time, so the kids will be busy elsewhere or you can choose to meet outside the home. Where and when will depend a great deal, on whom you’re talking to.
Finally, be honest without being blunt. Brutal honesty cuts deep and leaves scars. Polite honesty gently abrades, but it doesn’t draw blood. Also, being too open with your thoughts can leave you vulnerable. While there are occasions that a willingness to be vulnerable is considered desirable, many times it won’t be. Ask yourself if you want to leave yourself wide open with this person on this subject, and listen to your instincts.
While you are talking, use words that don’t put the other person on the spot. If you catch yourself saying “you” over and over again, they may feel as if they’re being accused. Therapists and psychologists agree that good conversations have more “I” words than “You” words. Both of you will find that your chat will become more meaningful in a quiet place, where you can exchange words that are polite, honest and which are framed in a way that makes the listener feel at ease.
